mTBI Dark Days

I've had a rough couple of days. I put unnecessary pressure on myself to get this site up and running. I was disappointed with myself on how long it was taking me to finish it. Several times, I looked at what I had done the last time I was in and wondered what crazy person made certain changes. It was a reminder that I'm in a different state every day. Some better. Some not so much. I reread my first blog and laughed at some of the edits I had to make. Again, wondering what crazy person wrote initially wrote it. I told myself if I'm going to do this, do it and show the flaws. It's who I am. I'm not as good as I use to be at these kind of things. And that's okay (or so I tell myself). I would never want anyone else with a mTBI to put this kind of pressure on themselves or push to the point of debilitating pain. So why do I expect more of myself? That's what I've always done.

In fact, I paid dearly for the pressure I put on myself. I was hellbent on finishing and pushed myself too hard. All weekend, I was in bed, in tears. At one point, begging my husband to take me to the ER.

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1/11/20 - I didn't publish this post and I don't even remember when I wrote it. It was the last time I touched the site since today. I believe it was within a few days of my first blog post. I've had more good days then bad days recently so back to work!